Do I deserve this second chance?

It's been two days since my boyfriend knew about what I've been hiding and it didn't turn out as bad as I have expected. Maybe because I didn't actually cheat on him, but I wasn't totally honest either, but being the understanding boyfriend, he still forgave me for what I did.

I was expecting him to break up with me, and that was what I suggested him - to break up with me. I did that because I felt that he was too good for me, and that I didn't deserve him. I was torn into pieces when he called me while he was crying. I can say that I really hurt him, I didn't defend myself, all I did was to say that I was really sorry for what I did. He was asking for an explanation, but I don't know what to say. I didn't know why I did it in the first place and it's really bugging me for I have been trying to figure this out, but unfortunately, I can't find the right answers. I don't want to make up another story to cover up my mistakes, but I honestly don't know what to tell him either. I'm really afraid to lose him. It pained me to see him like that. I was hurt, I'm still hurt because after everything that he did for me, I was still able to betray him. I didn't cheat on him, but I lied, and for us, that's basically the same thing for we're not the kind of couple who hides stuff from each other.

He's coming over within a few minutes and I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm still ashamed of what I did. I love him and I regret everything that I have done against him. We're going to church later so that we could both be enlightened and calm before we talk to each other, which by the way was both our idea since God is the only one who could help us out, aside from ourselves that is.

There's a part of me that doesn't want this to be fixed because I love him so much and I hate seeing him like this. I hate myself for hurting him. Even though he was able to forgive me, I still can't find a way to forgive myself.

Fun OV at my boyfriend's house

I was too tired to write it all down on my blog what happened on the 20th-21st. I had a really fun overnight stay at my boyfriend's house :) It was really fun because I was able to bond with his siblings, especially his brother. :) And the best part of my stay there was that I was able to bond with their mom as well. :) I really felt that she really took a liking into me because we spent more than an hour talking about random stuff. :) I hope to see them again soon! <3

My IQ is...

When I first came into UP, I was shocked that it was mandatory for us to take an IQ test. I got 127 on the test, but now, I was really shocked to know that my IQ boosted up to 138. I don't know whether this is accurate, though. :))

15th Monthsary. ☺

I had a blast today for we celebrated our 15th monthsary, though something somewhat ruined my day. It seems like the girl that I've been talking about with my previous blog post wasn't done about spreading rumors about me. :)) She's now justifying why she keeps on trying to meddle in the situation that doesn't, in any way, involve her. So much for being desperate to look right. She said that my friends are sending messages to HER friend as well which is TOTALLY untrue for no one knows about my fight with her friend. Okay.. so maybe there are few people who know about it, but I am ultimately sure that they wouldn't send her friend a message for they're not like that. From now on, I promise to never pay attention to people who are not worth my time. It's going to be really hard for me, but I know that I'll get used to it. ☺

Blame it all on me

Okay so my boyfriend had this problem about a certain subject and I don't know whether I'm sad because it's my fault, or I'm sad because I know that he had put an effort to pass that certain subject and it still fell apart. Well, it was his prof that really encouraged him to get that subject in the first place. I mean, why would you insist your student to get a subject that he wasn't even planning to get and now you're going to fail him?

I know how my boyfriend had put an effort especially to their final project and it really annoys me for three of their groupmates didn't include their names (two of them) on the output. I was pretty sure that their prof was aware of it, I just don't know why he didn't allow my boyfriend to do a special project to make up for it. It's just so annoying!

I can feel how sad my boyfriend is right now and I think that it's all my fault. :( He would really make an effort for our relationship and now his prof is claiming that he was complacent with the subject. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. :( It's so hard for a graduating student to fail even if it's just for one subject. :|

Being back for more

I just said that I'll be back for more, and I'm doing the exact thing that I have just mentioned in a very untimely manner. I don't know when to get the hang of this blogging thing again, but I'm posting stuff now since I wouldn't want to risk losing the the things I have in mind right now.

Okay so I recently had a fight with two girls (whose names I won't mention) and it's really annoyingly funny. Apparently, one of these two girls claimed that I posted negative stuff about HER friend on facebook which I strongly deny since it wasn't really her friend to begin with. Anyway, she posted on her facebook that I looked stupid for doing that... DOING WHAT? Who reacted to a status that doesn't even concern them, anyway? Okay, so I'm stupid for ranting over the internet just because she ASSUMED that it was about her friend. That was just plainly absurd. It wasn't just the worst part of my day, she also dragged someone into the situation. I was like, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, GIRL?" This isn't my first status update that she reacted to. I don't know whether to be pleased that someone takes time to check on my status updates or to be annoyed that she assumes that it's either about her or her friend. Well... on the other hand, I may have been guilty for correcting her grammar, and that I won't deny. I know when to fight, and I know when to back down as well. She made a stupid issue over NOTHING and I won't just let this pass. I just have 3 words for her: GAME ON, BITCH. >:)

Confused and totally lost...

I don't know what to do now, I am happy being with him, no need to ask anything about that, but I will never be completely happy with him if I keep secrets from him. We've promised to never keep secrets from each other, no matter how big or small it is. Honesty and trust is the foundation of our relationship and that's exactly why we've lasted this long, but isn't it right to keep some things private? He says that I seem distant these past few days, and I just can't help it! He knows that something is up, but I don't want him to be worried about things that doesn't concern him. I know that he's struggling and all to graduate, for that's what he promised to his parents and I wouldn't risk him being distracted! Oh well. I think I need time to think this through. I really don't know what to do. ☹